What I Learned from a Runaway Bride

    One of the plus sides of having a runaway bride in the family is that we have heard a wealth of condolence stories that others heretofore may have been reluctant to share.  Last-minute wedding jitters, and even full-fledged panic attacks, are so common that the bulk of this anecdotal evidence shows that pre-nuptial doubt and uncertainty are well within the realm of normal. 
    The part of the story that troubles my son is that,  when they had "the talk" before she ran, she told him that she still loves him, he was everything she'd ever prayed for, but was afraid she wouldn't make him happy in the long haul.   He said to her, "Don't worry about making me happy; that's my choice. Besides, if we're everything we've ever prayed for in a spouse, I don't see why this couldn't work."  Her reply—she just wasn't 100% sure and didn't want to have room for any doubt.

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    I did a web search to find the most common causes for a bride's hesitancy to go forward with a wedding. Most of the possibilities could be scrapped in this particular case: causes like histories of drug use, violence, and various other addictions don't come into play, and neither did stress over awkward divorces and estrangement of extended family that could explode during a ceremony or reception.

    Using deduction, three possible candidates were left on the top-ten list.

§  Fear of turning into one's mother.

§  Failure to separate from one's parents.

§  Setting standards impossibly high.

I'm not going to play amateur psychologist and say which one of these, if any, applies in this case.  For all I know, it could be a cocktail mix.  What I am going to address is the fallacy of the "being 100% sure" standard.

    Marriage is a walk of faith. There is no 100% sure outside of faith. God designed it that way, and as such, it's an echo and type of Jesus' relationship with the Bride of the Lamb. If we want to get to the heavenly Jerusalem, it's going to be a walk of faith. The assurance comes with the covenant cut in faith.  Assurance does not come from looking at the circumstances, and mature Christians have learned this by both the Word and by experience. Sometimes, the old clichés nail a truth: You have to go with your heart. 

    Of course, there is plenty of scriptural back-up for that: "for with the heart a person believes, resulting in approval by God." Romans 10:10   Virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking, feeling, and acting—all of these things which are present when one is acceptable to God are both born and borne in the heart. Second Corinthians 5:7 reinforces this, "for we walk by faith, not by sight." It's an inward spirit-knowing, not an outward sight-knowledge.

    When we walk by sight, we are liable to get it wrong. It's a lesson that goes back to the beginning of time. In the Garden of Eden, the fruit on the Tree of Knowing aced a 3-point sight test, (a) good for food, (b) delight to the eyes, (c) desired to make one wise.  What went wrong was that there was no faith—no trust in God.

    Now the Lord God had planted this garden. All the provisions were there— all kinds of trees grew out of the ground. Some met one kind of need, some met another.  Watching the divine planting over the past six months of marriage prep has been awesome. I watched as spiritual, physical, social, financial, and even employment provisions were planted. God is so good. And for once, I was positioned to see it unfolding in real time instead of as hindsight. (Very cool, even thrilling!) But there was a snake in the garden.

      Some people get fussed over a sensible and prudent query - is it possible you listened to the devil on this one? I learned that those who are walking by sight won't see a devil; they will see only Eve's jewel-bedecked serpent who is "looking out for their best interest." For them, any hint of 1 Peter 5:8 is a personal insult: Be sober, vigilant, because your opponent the devil, as a roaring lion, doth walk about, seeking whom he may swallow up.

   Trust does not come from the mind. One trusts with his heart. Proverbs 3: 5 makes this clear: Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. "Heart trust" and "leaning on one's own understanding" are separate. It is possible to believe with the heart and doubt with the mind. General consensus, majority opinion, feelings, logic, emotions, mental reasoning, chance opportunity, and the seeking of signs are not elements in being led by the Holy Spirit. You can feel strong and still be wrong. If you are led externally, by feelings, then you are easily misled.

    What I have learned is that, even among many who have "been in church" all their lives, there is a wide and widespread gap when it comes to trusting the voice of the Lord or the leading of the Holy Spirit's inward witness. Children are rarely taught how to hear God, and too few adults practice developing and honing that skill consistently. It is as if John's record of Jesus' words, "My sheep hear my voice," (10:27) are glossed over as a given, without ever asking "How does that work?" How does the real perceiving and consideration—the real hearing and listening to His leading, come about? 

    One thing I realized in the fallout of the runaway bride was that the occasions during which the organized church has offered me teaching and insight on how to be led by the Holy Spirit have been few and far between.  Most of what I have learned so far has come by taking personal responsibility for learning and seeking it out on my own. The good part about that is I am much steadier in my confidence in hearing the voice of the Spirit. The downside is that many who haven't worked at it that way will not believe it is possible, and so are quick to judge accordingly.
    And there is this, a truth not so much learned for the first time, but reinforced as to make it unforgettable:  The devil's greatest weapon is the power of suggestion. He endeavors to enter one's thought-life to sow doubt, both doubt in oneself, and especially in God's ability, character, and provision.  Doubting God ends in tragedy. Believing Him ends in victory.

    So, is the "being 100% sure" standard unattainable? Yes, in the walk-by-sight realm, 100% confidence is unattainable. But how attainable is the "being 100% sure" standard in the spiritual realm? The answer to that is a question: How much can you believe God will do what He says?  If you cannot trust God 100%, you won't be 100% sure in the spiritual realm either. That difference is the percentage that must be walked out by faith. 


pictured - bronze statue by Paul Manship, 1916, public domain photo