What I Learned from a Runaway Bride

    One of the plus sides of having a runaway bride in the family is that we have heard a wealth of condolence stories that others heretofore may have been reluctant to share.  Last-minute wedding jitters, and even full-fledged panic attacks, are so common that the bulk of this anecdotal evidence shows that pre-nuptial doubt and uncertainty are well within the realm of normal. 
    The part of the story that troubles my son is that,  when they had "the talk" before she ran, she told him that she still loves him, he was everything she'd ever prayed for, but was afraid she wouldn't make him happy in the long haul.   He said to her, "Don't worry about making me happy; that's my choice. Besides, if we're everything we've ever prayed for in a spouse, I don't see why this couldn't work."  Her reply—she just wasn't 100% sure and didn't want to have room for any doubt.

 ♦     ♦     ♦

    I did a web search to find the most common causes for a bride's hesitancy to go forward with a wedding. Most of the possibilities could be scrapped in this particular case: causes like histories of drug use, violence, and various other addictions don't come into play, and neither did stress over awkward divorces and estrangement of extended family that could explode during a ceremony or reception.

    Using deduction, three possible candidates were left on the top-ten list.

§  Fear of turning into one's mother.

§  Failure to separate from one's parents.

§  Setting standards impossibly high.

I'm not going to play amateur psychologist and say which one of these, if any, applies in this case.  For all I know, it could be a cocktail mix.  What I am going to address is the fallacy of the "being 100% sure" standard.

    Marriage is a walk of faith. There is no 100% sure outside of faith. God designed it that way, and as such, it's an echo and type of Jesus' relationship with the Bride of the Lamb. If we want to get to the heavenly Jerusalem, it's going to be a walk of faith. The assurance comes with the covenant cut in faith.  Assurance does not come from looking at the circumstances, and mature Christians have learned this by both the Word and by experience. Sometimes, the old clichés nail a truth: You have to go with your heart. 

    Of course, there is plenty of scriptural back-up for that: "for with the heart a person believes, resulting in approval by God." Romans 10:10   Virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking, feeling, and acting—all of these things which are present when one is acceptable to God are both born and borne in the heart. Second Corinthians 5:7 reinforces this, "for we walk by faith, not by sight." It's an inward spirit-knowing, not an outward sight-knowledge.

    When we walk by sight, we are liable to get it wrong. It's a lesson that goes back to the beginning of time. In the Garden of Eden, the fruit on the Tree of Knowing aced a 3-point sight test, (a) good for food, (b) delight to the eyes, (c) desired to make one wise.  What went wrong was that there was no faith—no trust in God.

    Now the Lord God had planted this garden. All the provisions were there— all kinds of trees grew out of the ground. Some met one kind of need, some met another.  Watching the divine planting over the past six months of marriage prep has been awesome. I watched as spiritual, physical, social, financial, and even employment provisions were planted. God is so good. And for once, I was positioned to see it unfolding in real time instead of as hindsight. (Very cool, even thrilling!) But there was a snake in the garden.

      Some people get fussed over a sensible and prudent query - is it possible you listened to the devil on this one? I learned that those who are walking by sight won't see a devil; they will see only Eve's jewel-bedecked serpent who is "looking out for their best interest." For them, any hint of 1 Peter 5:8 is a personal insult: Be sober, vigilant, because your opponent the devil, as a roaring lion, doth walk about, seeking whom he may swallow up.

   Trust does not come from the mind. One trusts with his heart. Proverbs 3: 5 makes this clear: Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. "Heart trust" and "leaning on one's own understanding" are separate. It is possible to believe with the heart and doubt with the mind. General consensus, majority opinion, feelings, logic, emotions, mental reasoning, chance opportunity, and the seeking of signs are not elements in being led by the Holy Spirit. You can feel strong and still be wrong. If you are led externally, by feelings, then you are easily misled.

    What I have learned is that, even among many who have "been in church" all their lives, there is a wide and widespread gap when it comes to trusting the voice of the Lord or the leading of the Holy Spirit's inward witness. Children are rarely taught how to hear God, and too few adults practice developing and honing that skill consistently. It is as if John's record of Jesus' words, "My sheep hear my voice," (10:27) are glossed over as a given, without ever asking "How does that work?" How does the real perceiving and consideration—the real hearing and listening to His leading, come about? 

    One thing I realized in the fallout of the runaway bride was that the occasions during which the organized church has offered me teaching and insight on how to be led by the Holy Spirit have been few and far between.  Most of what I have learned so far has come by taking personal responsibility for learning and seeking it out on my own. The good part about that is I am much steadier in my confidence in hearing the voice of the Spirit. The downside is that many who haven't worked at it that way will not believe it is possible, and so are quick to judge accordingly.
    And there is this, a truth not so much learned for the first time, but reinforced as to make it unforgettable:  The devil's greatest weapon is the power of suggestion. He endeavors to enter one's thought-life to sow doubt, both doubt in oneself, and especially in God's ability, character, and provision.  Doubting God ends in tragedy. Believing Him ends in victory.

    So, is the "being 100% sure" standard unattainable? Yes, in the walk-by-sight realm, 100% confidence is unattainable. But how attainable is the "being 100% sure" standard in the spiritual realm? The answer to that is a question: How much can you believe God will do what He says?  If you cannot trust God 100%, you won't be 100% sure in the spiritual realm either. That difference is the percentage that must be walked out by faith. 


pictured - bronze statue by Paul Manship, 1916, public domain photo

Oh, Good Grief! It's Supreme Courtship!

   I am grieving this morning, but probably not in the way you would expect.  First, the back story:

   Ever since Valentine’s Day, up until last week, my first-born was engaged to be married.  Then less than five days out, his bride bolted in the wee hours of the morning.

   

   I am pleased with the support we have received. Hardly anyone, (I heard only one instance,) sank to the platitude of “maybe it was better this way.”  It was not better this way, and even Pollyanna would have to agree to that.  So I am not grieving any feelings of being adrift and alone.

   I had earnestly prayed for family members’ travel schedules and safety. All that was answered phenomenally.  Graduations and final exams were worked around, even military orders changed to fit the date!  And we had a reunion after all, so I am not grieving a missed family time.

   The now-cancelled wedding day came as cloudless as could ever be hoped for, with the most comfortable mix of warm temperature and low humidity. James Lowell could have written his poem about it—

     And what is so rare as a day in June?

     Then, if ever, come perfect days;

     Then Heaven tries earth if it be in tune,

     And over it softly her warm ear lays;

     Whether we look, or whether we listen,

     We hear life murmur, or see it glisten.

— except that, unlike Lowell's native New England, in the Deep South, those days arrive in May. The odds are drastically against having another such flawless day so perfectly placed. While that may be lamentable, it does not sink to the level of grief.

   Nor am I grieving over the reason for calling it off—at least, not over the vague and incongruous reasons that were given. But don't take my word for it; I will allow you, my readers, to judge. Here are the quotes:  "started to have concerns," and "a few lifestyle conflicts," which "forced" her to realize "neither he nor I would be happy long term." All the while, she maintains she still loves him and he is what she always prayed for.  How's that for clear and precise articulation? It is pretty hard to grieve when you're left clueless by an explanation that presumes to forecast how others will feel.   

   I was delighted that their first full day together as man and wife, a Sunday, was to be Pentecost. What a fabulous beginning that would have been!  Pentecost was the day that the Church, the ecclesia, received its power—a wonderfully emblematic day to begin a new life. But while that was a sentimental loss, it did not descend to a level of deep grief either.

   As I said, my source of grief will probably be unexpected by many of my readers. It is the SCOTUS. The acronym stands for Supreme Court of the United States. As I write, the arguments in Obergefell v. Hodges to change the definition of marriage have been heard, but the decision that will rule on whether same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry has not yet been handed down.

   For the past few months, one of the things I have been deeply grateful for was the thought that this one marriage license, at least, would be issued while marriage still meant something of value legally. The Creator of man and woman ordained marriage as a covenant. Conventional 'wisdom' predicts that the SCOTUS will make gay marriage the law of the land. This will devalue the meaning of the marriage license from supporting a covenant between a man and a woman to merely certifying a contract between two humans. I am grieving this loss: That my children are unlikely to get married in a society that values marriage.

National Day of Prayer

    Last year, we joined the noon prayer service at the county court house. This year, I’m just not feeling it. For a while now, it has felt rather hypocritical to pray, “God Bless America,” but at least last year we could lay aside our pride and beg for mercy. Since the 2014 elections last fall, there has been a hardening of the leadership that has changed the spiritual texture of the nation to the point that even cries for mercy aren’t heart-felt.

    The theme verse for the National Day of Prayer, 2015, is found in 1 Kings 8:28. “Yet have regard to the prayer of your servant and to his plea, O LORD my God, listening to the cry and to the prayer that your servant prays before you this day.”  Fine, Well & Good, but it doesn’t define what the servants are pleading for. And quite frankly, if you’re praying for the wrong stuff, you are wasting your time. My proof: James 4:3, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, to spend it on your passions.”

    Perhaps a timelier theme verse was scribed by Isaiah. “Woe to those who enact evil statutes and to those who constantly record unjust decisions, so as to deprive the needy of justice and rob My people of their rights.” 10:1-2.

    It takes some boldness to pray an imprecatory prayer, but I am there. Imprecatory prayers are the kind where one is calling down fire from heaven. It is spiritually playing with fire, so there is a corresponding chance of getting burned. It is asking God to switch from Grace-giver mode to His Avenger mode; the catch is that He passes through you on the way to the target, so it takes both wisdom and cleanliness in Christ to survive it intact.  King David wrote several imprecatory psalms, and he was able to pull that off because his motives were right with the Lord.

    Wars. Terrorism. Increasing earthquakes. Blood moons occurring in a tetrad on Jewish feast days. Avian flu that has already claimed 5 million turkeys that could have been in line for the Thanksgiving Day table. The boding of the Shemitah year. Leadership that has no fear of God. — We will never outgrow or lose the need for the “God bless Blinky, my goldfish” prayers that we said as kids, but we do need to add to the faith and courage of our prayer arsenal for the times ahead.

    If you pray for our country on this National Day of Prayer, make it count.

Beat Your Slave, Stone Your Kid, but by All Means, Don't Wear Polyester!

I have some older friends who are a generation ahead of me. Yes, some are fairly set in their ways, but they are also tech-savvy seniors who like to email their finds to everyone who will read them.  So a few years ago when this clip of an Obama speech showed up on YouTube, they were burning up their ‘Forward’ keys and expressing plenty of bewilderment at his audacity.

In his speech, he asks rhetorical questions, "Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery’s okay? Or we could go with Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child?"

The tone is smarmy and sarcastic. You can watch it for yourself if you haven’t already seen it. It can be found here—  http://youtu.be/Hi-V_ilJu0w

And while a good deal of indignation was expressed, no one actually answered his questions.

I know, they were rhetorical, and no answer was expected, but many longtime Christians seemed stumped just the same.  When some contentious atheist whips out Matthew 5:18 and proclaims, “Jesus said until heaven and earth pass away, not one jot or one tittle shall pass from the law. Last time I checked, earth is still here. You’re a hypocrite! You’re wearing a wool blend!” many Christians are left speechless. While it is true that Levitical law says linen (plant fiber) and wool (animal fiber) should not be mixed together, there is no need to be thrown for a loop at this simple challenge.

There are different kinds of law. The Bible deals with three of them.

1.       Civil Law. Civil laws were given to the nation of Israel when they returned from captivity in Egypt. The Israelites did not have a Constitution. They did not have Congress or Parliament. They had civil laws given by God that applied as long as they were a theocratic state.  These laws are easy to identify because they include specific, temporal punishments. When Israel ceased to exist in 70 AD, the laws had no citizens to apply to and no system for implementing them.  Obama was mocking laws that apply to no one.

2.       Ceremonial Law.  Ceremonial laws specified procedures, sacrifices, and offerings for worship. A Tabernacle or Temple is required to keep these. Many of these laws were patterns of things that Jesus would do, and most were pictures or symbols of God’s plan of salvation and redemption.  Jesus fulfilled the ceremonial laws and now born again Christians are the ‘temple’ of the Holy Spirit b giving Him residence in their hearts.   

3.       Moral Law. Moral laws apply to all creation. They existed before, during, and after Israel was a nation, both within and without her borders. Moral law is eternal and absolute.   The most succinct summary of moral law is found in the Ten Commandments, although additional details may be found throughout both Testaments.

If Mr. Obama believed he was giving a witty and clever speech, he was wrong. He was mocking the civil laws that applied to another country long ago and far away. What the audience saw was a display of a fundamental dearth of understanding the law.